Preacher's Kid Entry #5

Tanya Bonita - 15 years old

My happiest moment was when Jacob asked me to the Christmas dance at school.  I know he and my brother are friends but I think he is so hot.  More importantly I love the way he's not afraid to show his relationship with God.  My saddest memory is the day my brother got suspended.  He and I used to be so close.  He would tell me everything.  Whe he got suspended mom and dad came down on him so hard that he just shut down.  Now they act like they're afraid of him. 

I don't want anyone to know that I have OCD.  I wash my hands with water or hand sanitizer constantly.  They just think that I want to make sure my hands are clean.  I'm a very shy person.  I think this suits my personality because I can sit back and really look at people instead of joining the crowd making snap judgements.  This is how I know what's really going on with my brother when everyone else thinks they have him figured out.

One thing I'm not real good at is making friends.   I have a small group of friends that I am real tight with.  I am easy to get to know.  I just am not aggressive when it comes to making new friends.  If I am with a friend and someone introduces me to someone else I am good to go.  I just can't walk up and make a cold contact.

My best friend Julie say's she's envious of my honey colored hair.  She said it's not fair that I have this golden brown skin from my Puerto Rican side and then have the blue eyes and honey colored hair from my dad's Cuban heritage.  My dad's mom was Cuban and I get it from her.

Something that really irritates me is the way my parents act like everything in our lives are perfect when they are around anyone from church, but then they act totally different at home.  This must bug my brother too because he becomes even more rebellious.  I'm afraid I'm going to lose my brother.  I see him changing so much and no one is doing anything about it.

If you were to look in my bedroom you'd get a pretty good idea about me.  Everything is super organized and minimal.  I have a couple of pictures of mountain scenes on my wall but not much else.  My colors are cream and periwinkle with a splash of pink and yellow thrown in.  My desk is organized like a little mini office.  I have trays for papers and a complete desk set to hold pens, pencils, stapler, tape dispenser and sticky notes.  I don't know if this is a condition of my OCD or not.  I make lists for everything and actually check them off.  When I see myself in the mirror I see someone who is neat and organized and ready for anything.  Okay maybe I go overboard a little bit. 

The most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me was when my family went to welcome the new preacher and his family.  It was raining out and we were running up to the porch.  I slipped, tripped over Jacob's foot  and then actually landed right in his lap.  At that point I just wanted to be at home curled up in my room with my kitten.  I have this kitten I named Snickerdoodle.  She's a golden calico.  I named her after my favorite cookie.

If I could have one talent it would be singing.  I like to sing and actually I'm quite good.  My shyness makes it difficult to sing solos in front of people.  I guess if I could have any one talent it would be the gift of music with the confidence to go with it.  I would also live in the Great Smoky Mountains if I could.  I'd love to live back in the hills and live off of the land.  I'd sit outside in the morning with a cup of coffee and watch the sun burn the haze away.  I feel closer to God in the mountains.

The thing I want more than anything in the world is my parents to stop what they are doing and take a good look at my brother and see how he is hurting.  I would want them to try to save their relationship with him before it is too late.